change

I want to challenge the idea of changing someone. Because everyone says its hard to change once you've been so accustomed to who you are. I am quite happy with who I am, but some things never change from when I was younger and that is me and relationships. I have grown some, but I still have the " my way or the highway" idea in relationships. OK! wtf am I talking about relationships when I'm not even in one??? So I've canceled on all the guys that are pursuing me, but there's this one and I don't know if he likes me but I also don't know if I should like him >.< oppa ="]And to think about it "why did i get mad???" Its the old me coming back >.< Anyway I do a lot for him, more than for other guys, I brought food to his work and I'm making him dinner this weekend(which he wanted to postpone) but get this, this is all a friendly matter... We are failing to mention if these are dates or anything.. so thats why I thought he liked me bc hes agreeing with it. But sometimes he does stupid things like ask his co worker to come along, I'm like uhh its suppose to be me and you! lol whatever I'm just being selfish, thats why I want to change that about myself! I really do like the me a few months ago, just ignoring guys. its so hard. I always jump in conclusion and think about it till my brains are fried! why can't I just go with the flow. Why do i have to like someone at this time. GOSH GUYS! WHAT CAN YOU DO!

long story short

its been a long time huh? LA is too crazy for me i'm not sure if i can handle it. i'm starting to feel overwhelmed. first of all, i've moved out of ktown and my new roommate is awesome i love the apt, i also got a part time job thats pretty chill. schools not as difficult as i thought, i drive back home almost every other week, I help out at this music label in LA, and i'm dating again. it just seems like i've got a lot going for me. NOT!
-i'm having a hard time making rent, my job has one too many rules, the music label is not seeing my work or giving me any good work either, driving back home to work at my 2nd job is really taking a toll on my body, and there are too many guys on my list which is such a distraction and i'm falling behind in school! FCUK!
-so after all the stress, lectures @ work, procrastinations, disappointments, and love triangles i've thought it all over and there are a few things i can elimnate to take the weight off my chest.
1. work less hours & focus on my studies
2. quit helping the music group bc they've got plenty of help and quit going back home to work my other job
3. cut out the boys, i was completely focused without them
4. stop shopping.